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Articles On Blaming
How we can resolve
conflict
Playing with the big
kids
Conversation
The power of information
Never assume?
How We Can Resolve Conflict
by William Frank Diedrich
Two women in the same workplace are convinced each other is
a bad person. Gena claims Cindy is careless and doesn't do her
job. Cindy claims Gena is critical and bossy. Mutual blame prevents
them from working together. Their continuous conflict negatively
impacts other employees, hurts productivity, uses their manager's
time, and creates a reputation for their department. Both women
say they want a peaceful, productive, and positive workplace.
Both claim that it is the other person who prevents that from
happening.
They see each other as "the enemy", but where is
the real enemy? It is within themselves. Neither can see how
their blaming impacts the other. Both feel completely justified
in treating each other with disrespect. They have a strong emotional
reaction to each other's behaviors. They consistently assume
the worst about each other. As long as they are caught up in
the blame game they cannot see each other.
Whether we are talking about wars between nations, groups,
or individuals, blaming takes over our emotions. Unless we become
willing to self reflect, to acknowledge the insanity of blaming,
we are stuck in conflict. In blaming we think the other side
is at fault, but the reason we cannot resolve the conflict is
found in the blaming itself. We must move beyond blaming.
These first three paragraphs are quoted from my book, Beyond
Blaming. How do we move beyond blaming when we are in the
thick of it? The first step is to realize the insanity of this
kind of conflict. We have to ask ourselves: "Where will
this kind of thinking take me? If I am convinced I am right and
the other person is wrong, is it realistic to think that they
will change?"
When we are deep in conflict, it is difficult to see ourselves.
We are so busy convincing ourselves, and anyone else who will
listen, how right we are that we fail to notice how wrong we
are. We believe we are virtuous. Truly virtuous people do not
know they are virtuous. Those who believe they are virtuous usually
become vicious. I have seen people who think themselves virtuous
do horrendous things to others. They justify their acts with
the thought that the other person deserved it. This is insanity.
Once we recognize that we are thinking insanely, we can begin
to change. The second step is to ask ourselves: "How am
I impacting this person? How does this person experience me?
What is it like for this person to work with me, be with me,
listen to me?" When we start getting answers we are often
disappointed in ourselves, if not horrified at the results.
Another story I tell in my book is about my own inability
to understand my impact on others. Fortunately for me, my manager
gave me the news. He explained to me how my sarcastic humor was
impacting others in a negative way. I was horrified at myself.
I immediately changed and stopped using negative humor with others.
My relationships improved immediately.
It seems that our most prized possession is our self image.
A self image is like this: "I am the sort of person who
______". You fill in the blank. A woman once told me: "I'm
probably one of the easiest people in the world to get along
with. If she can't get along with me than something is wrong
with her." If I see myself as one of the easiest people
in the world to get along with, I will be resistant to any information
that contradicts this image.
Your image is not you. It is something you made up. A person
who is truly easy to get along with would be willing to listen
to another person who finds her disagreeable. If you want to
get along well with others you have to give up your self image.
Don't worry about being "the good leader" and just
listen. Don't worry about being "the good parent" and
just listen. Truly good leaders worry less about their image
and focus more on just leading. Truly good parents stop thinking
about whether or not they are good parents and just respond to
their children in the best way they can in the present moment.
The problem with images is that they take us out of reality
and into ourselves. Your defensiveness with another person is
not about them. It's about you. All conflicts are in your mind.
We imagine that they are out there, but they are really "in
here." This is a tough one to swallow for most people, but
it is the most empowering thought you could have. If the problem
is "them", you have no power. You find yourself resorting
to force, either aggressive or passive-aggressive. If the problem
is in you, you have the power to change it. In my example about
my sarcastic humor, I saw people around me as somewhat unsupportive.
I saw this as unfair because I was the kind of person who got
along well with others. When I changed my attitude and behavior,
others suddenly became supportive. I was able to hear my manager
because I was willing to set aside my image as the easy to get
along with guy.
This is not to say that any conflict you are in is your fault.
To shift from blaming others to blaming self is not much of an
improvement. In life, people enter our experience and they push
our buttons. In truth, they only reflect something unresolved
in us. During the course of writing this article I found myself
embroiled in a conflict of my own. I was angry and so was the
other person. I believed I was right and the other person was
completely unreasonable. My body was tense with emotion. My mind
was filled with blaming thoughts. At the same time, I knew that
I was caught up in the blame game. I gave myself some time and
frankly, I prayed for help in seeing things from a better perspective.
Regardless of whether I was right or wrong I knew three things:
1. I cared about this person; 2. I wanted a resolution; and 3.
All blaming (including mine) is a distortion of reality. My self
images were being challenged and I had to give them up. In this
case it was: "I'm the kind of person who takes action (not
a procrastinator)." I stopped worrying about the image and
took action to resolve the conflict. When the opportunity arose,
I apologized for my behavior. The other person apologized, too,
and the tension immediately lifted. We were able to move on.
Sometimes, when you are caught up in being right, you have
to look at what you are doing to yourself and others with your
negative thoughts and emotion. This kind of conflict is like
putting your fingers in boiling water. It hurts, but for some
reason we keep our fingers there. There were several instances
where I intentionally lifted my fingers out of the hot water--lifted
my thoughts off the hot situation and thought about something
more uplifting. The more we allow our thoughts to go around and
around about how wrong or unfair someone is, the more uncomfortable
we feel. Personally I am no longer willing to tolerate ongoing
conflict. I create the intent to resolve it, change my thoughts,
take action, and I move on. This isn't easy, but neither is staying
in conflict.
Our ability to self reflect moves us beyond blaming and into
a powerful position. As powerful people we know that we can impact
the world simply by being who we are. By refusing to blame others
and refusing to blame ourselves, we are free to respond to whatever
is happening in front of us. We have to step outside of defensive
thinking and see how we are impacting the situation. We need
to ask ourselves what we want to come of the situation.
We must stop waiting for others to change and focus on being
the changes that we wish to create. To have peace, I must think
peace. To have joy, I must think joy. To get along with others,
I must become sensitive to their needs. To receive respect, I
must give it. Each of us has a tremendous amount of power to
change our lives. We can claim this power or not. When we are
willing to stop blaming, and see ourselves and others honestly
and with compassion, we move from hurting to healing, from blaming
to blessing, and from victim to victor.
William Frank Diedrich is the author of three books. He has
just released
Beyond Blaming: Unleashing Power and Passion in People and Organizations.
To learn more about Bill, his books or to purchase his books
go to www.noblaming.com
or www.transformativepress.com
Playing
with The Big Kids
by William Frank Diedrich
In my coaching work I meet people who want to have more influence
where they work. Recently, I coached a Human Resource professional
who wanted to create more teamwork between departments. In order
to do this she needed to have more influence with senior vice
presidents in the company. Senior VP's report to the President,
and she reports to one of the VP's. I told her she needed to
become a senior VP. Since she will not be instantly promoted,
she needs to promote herself.
By "promote" I don't mean she has to sell herself
to anyone. If she wants to influence senior VP's and the president
she needs to become one of them. She needs to see herself on
their level. She needs to walk, talk, and act as if she is on
that level. Her response was that she sees the president and
her VP as above her. In her mind they are "better"
than her.
Organizations have hierarchies, and we need to respect them.
At the same time, we need not perceive ourselves as less than
someone who has a higher rank. As long as we see ourselves as
smaller, our influence will be limited. If you want to play with
the big kids you have to start being one of them. This means
telling yourself that you deserve to walk along side leaders
in your organization or in your field and treat them like people,
not icons.
Those who have risen to high levels of achievement deserve
our respect and admiration, but not our worship. People with
fame or position power are still just people. They put their
pants on the same way you do. If you want to create more success
for yourself, whether it be higher rank in your management hierarchy,
excellent achievement in your field, or being a major influencer,
you have to start being it now. You have to convince yourself
that you are worthy to walk along side the movers and shakers
of this world. You must treat yourself as a valued person. You
must see yourself as already at that level.
The major barrier to becoming one of the big kids of the world
is the payoff we get from playing it small. As long as we see
ourselves as smaller than others we can be safe--safe from responsibility;
safe from criticism; safe from having to make important decisions;
and safe from the high expectations of others. When you are a
big player more is expected of you. In public, you are always
"on". What you say gets more attention. As a worker,
you could complain to your coworkers and it wouldn't be considered
a big deal. As a manager, if you complain, you'll probably be
quoted to others. As a person on the street you can complain
about whatever you want. As a community leader or as a public
personality you'll find yourself quoted, or misquoted in the
media. We are always responsible for our words and our actions,
but when you're a big kid, the impact is much greater.
As people, we stifle our own success because we fear it. We
fear the potential negative attention, the new higher expectations
others will have of us, and the potential of public rejection.
Whenever you put yourself in a position of leadership you risk
criticism, rejection, and condemnation. This is why so many people
don't speak up when it counts. We disagree with our manager,
but we don't express that to him. Instead we tell someone else.
As a new big kid, you have to find your voice. Speak your truth
with authority, confidence, and compassion.
I believe we are all here to become big kids. We are here
to express our true nature, our gifts and talents, our desires,
and our innate worthiness. Our first step is to know who we are,
to be clear about ourselves. Who am I? What do I want? What do
I believe? What do I value? Once I begin to understand these
things about myself I can start being them. I can start trusting
who I am. Who I am doesn't need to change when I walk through
the doors of my workplace. It need not change when I am standing
near an admired person.
We add to who we are by increasing our knowledge. Passionately
study your area of interest and become knowledgeable and articulate
about it. This adds confidence to your voice and helps you to
speak with authority. If you have knowledge and good instincts
about your profession or area of study there is no need to be
tentative. The only caution here is to remember that there is
always something more to learn.
As you learn to value and appreciate yourself, as you find
your voice, and as you gain confidence, you can extend it to
others. Rising to higher levels of success and achievement is
not about taking a trip on the ego express. It's about recognizing
that the value given you by others is based on the value you
give to others. We are here to serve others. Our focus is on
what will create the highest good for all concerned. This goes
beyond being a mere celebrity. It's about making a difference.
It's about people feeling blessed because they received something
of value from us.
As a big kid you need to shift from a focus on your own needs
to a focus on the needs of others. Others need respect and to
feel important. Listen to them. They need sincere recognition
for their efforts. Offer your praise for work well done. When
you step outside of yourself and extend your good will to others
you become more important to them. At the same time, you have
to let go of the negative opinions of others. Learn from criticism,
and turn within to your own sense of self, your own instincts
and knowledge for guidance. You need not focus on impressing
others. Learn to believe in yourself and the awesome power within
you.
So what do you think? Are you ready to play with the big kids?
Are you ready to express the greatness within you? Are you ready
to move up to the next level or higher? Someday never arrives.
Now is the acceptable moment to begin. There is greatness within
you. When you rise to that higher level remember this: the truly
great help others to recognize their own greatness.
William Frank Diedrich is a keynote speaker, workshop leader,
coach, and the author of three books. His books include The Road
Home, 30 Days to Prosperity, and the newly released Beyond Blaming:
Unleashing Power and Passion in People and Organizations. To
learn more about Bill , his books, and his services, go to www.noblaming.com
10 Top reasons for considering William Diedrich as a speaker
or workshop leader.
1. You want to further inspire and develop your leadership
team.
2. You want to help your employees move beyond blaming and
to take more responsibility and ownership.
3. You want to help your staff understand and appreciate diversity
and lower their tolerance for harassment.
4. You have unresolved conflicts that need to be addressed.
5. You want to improve internal and external customer service.
6. You want to involve a group in creating and/or clarifying
Vision, Mission, and/or Values.
7. You want to create healthier communications between people.
8. You are already doing well, but you want to move your organization
or department to the next level.
9. You want to assess needs, survey opinion, or bring issues
and barriers to the surface so you can move through them to greater
success.
10. You want to increase sales.
William Diedrich uses a variety of presentations including
speaking, discussion, small groups, dialogues, behavior styles
(DISC), role plays, video, games, music, movement, and whatever
helps groups to learn.
Call 517-333-0806 to inquire or write at Theroadhome@voyager.net
to help your organization increase its prosperity and well-being.
Check out the web site at www.noblaming.com
Conversation
By William Frank Diedrich
It has been said that one of the greatest fears people hold
is speaking in front of a group of people, yet we seem to have
no shortage of public speakers. There is a kind of speaking that
inspires greater fear. This is the fear of having a real conversation.
Conversation is when two or more people talk openly and honestly,
listen deeply to each other, and reach a common understanding.
Agreement is nice, but irrelevant. The art of conversation is
not about getting someone to agree with you. It is about seeking
and finding a common understanding.
The first goal in conversation is to understand the thinking
of the other person. The second goal is to articulate oneís
own thinking in a way the other can understand. A true conversation
is blameless, non judgmental, direct, and respectful. Conversation
is a way of connecting.
Most of us are afraid of a real conversation. If we really
listen to someone else, it may upset our world view, our self
image, or our view of life. We might find out we were wrong.
We might discover how they really feel about us. If we said what
we really felt, the other person might be hurt, angry, disapproving,
or judging. They might take action against us.
We are afraid of conflict. It poses a threat. We donít
want to be rejected, hurt, or embarrassed. The thought of conflict
provokes the flight or fight response. We either avoid or attack
when we feel threatened. We tend to do everything but engage
in conversation.
In our organizations and families we are starving for conversation.
Blaming takes its place. Itís easier. Itís easier
to tell myself how wrong you are than it is to tell you I want
to have a conversation. Many will say: ìI tried that.
I tried talking to that person.î Trying to get someone
to see it your way is not a conversation. It is certainly important
to state your preferences. In conversation you are willing to
suspend your judgments and conclusions while you listen to the
other person. You are willing to allow new conclusions to arise
as products of your mutual understanding.
Conversation is responsive. In it we see the other person
as a real person. We accept who they are. We see past perceived
differences in gender, race, ethnicity, religion, intelligence,
sexual preference, economic status, age, profession, title, or
background. The person with whom we are conversing is first,
and foremost, a person. You are first, and foremost, a person.
Moving beyond blaming makes it possible to have a conversation.
Occasionally I meet someone I dislike. I purposely initiate a
conversation. More often than not, I come away with an appreciation
for the person. The dislike I felt was in me, not in them. It
was my projection.
How often do we give ourselves negative messages about others
without actually talking to them? How often do our negative thoughts
become self fulfilling prophecies when we treat people as if
they have already offended us? How often do we refuse to hear
the facts because we already have an opinion?
When you are experiencing difficulty with others ask: ìWhat
is the conversation I am having and what impact is it having
on this person? How am I allowing them to affect me?î Briefly
step outside yourself and observe. Ask yourself if this situation
is what you want.
It is certainly okay to express your anger. For example,
you could say, ìWhen you did that, I was angry.î
Conversations are not always perfectly rational. Just remember
you are talking to a real person. Conversations need not be devoid
of emotion. Emotion adds meaning to conversation. Maintain an
awareness of your emotion and the effect it is having on your
conversation.
A lack of communication produces a void. People fill in the
void with thoughts that assume blame. Insist on communicating
with people. Refuse to blame them when they donít communicate
with you. Refuse to be disturbed by the opinions of others. Your
ability to listen and to express your truth will be influential.
Is there someone you are blaming right now? Consider having a
conversation.
William Frank Diedrich is a keynote speaker, consultant, coach,
and the author of three books. For speaking engagements contact
him at Theroadhome@voyager.net or call at 517-333-0806.
Order books at www.noblaming.com/ or www.transformativepress.com/catalog.html
Beyond Blaming: Unleashing Power and Passion in People and
Organizations will help you to:
ï Move beyond blaming to personal empowerment
ï Help others move beyond blaming
ï Increase your power and influence in your
organization
ï Improve the well-being of any organization,
family, or group you belong to
ï Resolve conflicts
ï Help you to experience more joy and well-being
in all of your relationships
Order your copies now at www.noblaming.com All orders
will ship by April 30. April orders are free of shipping charges.
Beyond Blaming is being printed now as you read this newsletter.
Generous discounts are available to individuals and organizations
ordering quantities. Order 12 copies and get a 25 % discount
(You get 12 for the price of 9). Order 50 copies and get a 30
% discount (You get 50 for the price of 35). For more information
see below!
Order at www.noblaming.com/ or www.transformativepress.com/catalog.html
The
Power of Information
by William Frank Diedrich
We live in a universe of potentials and possibilities. Most
of us were schooled in science curriculums that taught us a mechanistic
view of the universe. It portrayed the earth as a thing. It said
our body was a thing. Beyond this limited, mechanistic view are
new ways of seeing that can impact how our organizations can
develop their own potentials and possibilities.
Actually, Science over the past seventy years has come to
learn that the universe isn't all mechanical. The universe really
isn't just chunks of matter separated by huge gaps of empty space.
In fact, matter itself is mostly space. An atom is over 99% space.
Space isn't empty. It contains energy and information. The universe
is not things separated by space, but it is an ongoing process.
The earth is not a thing, but a living system always in process.
Your body is not a thing, but a living system always in process.
Your skin cells die and are replaced every month. Your brain
cells change their content of nitrogen, carbon, and oxygen every
year. Each year you practically receive a new body as old cells
die and new ones take their places. You do not have the same
body you had a year ago.
What unseen power makes the new cells form themselves in a
way that they look and function like the old ones? If parts of
my body aren't working well, why aren't the new cells healthier?
The answer is information. Your DNA supplies the patterns around
which the new cells are formed. Physician Deepak Chopra defines
a cell as: "... a memory that has built some matter around
itself, forming a specific pattern. Your body is just the place
your memory calls home."
Organizations are not things either. An organization is a
living system, always in process. Information is the life energy
of an organization. It tells the various "cells" (people,
departments, teams, etc.) of the organizational body how to organize
themselves. Information as energy has the potential to invigorate
or to sap the people in its flow. A lack of information has an
effect, too. When people do not receive information they make
it up themselves, often assuming negative intentions.
Imagine streams of information flowing through your organization
from a variety of origins. Imagine people taking this information
and determining its meaning. Based on the meaning they create,
decisions are made as to how the job gets done, what is important,
and where the boundaries are. People are either energized or
de-energized by the information they give and receive.
When we were children we played telephone. We whispered secrets
that magically turned into something entirely different by the
time the last child spoke out the message that was heard. Back
then we understood that information was not a thing. It wasn't
like a ball that was passed from hand to hand, still retaining
its essence and form by the time it reached the end of the line.
We knew that somehow information took on a life of its own, influenced
by all of us.
Our mechanistic view of organizations has us putting out bits
of information and expecting them to survive intact as they are
sprinkled upon every employee. We find ourselves expressing frustration
that others haven't listened or paid attention when results usually
fall far short of our expectations. We can't understand it when
people don't know things we think they should know. We think
that since we have told them something, we have communicated.
We fail to recognize that content is affected by context.
As leaders we need to realize that our organizations, like
our bodies, are living systems always in process, always being
shaped by the information that is flowing and the context in
which it is communicated. When leaders do not communicate clearly
and often, when they do not understand what people are thinking
and feeling and therefore expressing, they cannot know what shape
the organization will take. Leaders need to get out into the
organization and retrieve information. What are people thinking?
How do they see the organization? What do they need? Do they
see leadership as effective? Do they see their work as meaningful?
Do people trust each other?
We must constantly be taking the pulse of the organization,
and responding to the information we receive. Information sharing
needs to be both informal and formal. It is informal in every
day conversation, asking people what they think, how they are
doing, listening, and responding. It is formal in the forms of
meetings, appraisal processes, focus groups, and surveys.
Surveys are particularly valuable in studying the information
that is currently shaping the organization. Many leaders fear
that offering an anonymous survey will encourage more secrecy,
complaints, and blaming. Anonymous surveys done effectively,
encourage openness. Survey results can be given back to all of
the participants and utilized for purposes of discussion, problem
solving, capitalizing on opportunities, and mutual understanding.
For example, let's say that some employees state that there
are too many barriers between departments. Conversations can
be shared to determine what these barriers look like and how
to take them down. People can be asked to envision what they
want instead. They can collaborate to take action to eliminate
barriers and open the flow of information between departments.
Survey information is a snapshot in time, but not the whole
story. How we respond to the survey and the followup that is
taken helps to complete the story. We shpouldn't look at results
and say: "This is it!". Instead we look at the data
and ask: "Considering what we have so far, where is this
going? What probabilities do we see in this data? What possibilities
can we see? Where do we need to go with this?"
Whatever information you encounter is valuable and presents
opportunities if you are willing to respond. If you resist the
information (Label it as wrong; see it as something you must
fight; or call it ignorant.) you will cause both you and your
organization more pain. Whatever you see in the information is
what you will evoke. Expect information to help you see a way
to more greatness, and that is what you will find. Blame people
for the nature of their information and you will create negativity.
This is similar to dealing with customer complaints. Your attitude
can be: "It must be your fault," or it could be, "Thank
you for bringing this to my attention and allowing me to serve
you better." The former creates ill will and the latter
turns problems into wonderful opportunities.
Many health professionals today are helping their patients
to heal by teaching them ways to change their thinking and their
lifestyles. People are learning to change the messages they are
sending to their bodies, often resulting in better health. As
leaders we need to be in touch with the information that is flowing
through our organizations. We need to be constantly transmitting
healthy information in the form of vision, values, and a responsiveness
to the needs and concerns of people. We need to become aware
of negative and destructive information we may be sending by
way of our fears and learn to send a different message. We often
don't know what message we are really sending unless we ask.
We need to know if people are starving for needed information
and learn how we can nourish them with what they need.
An ongoing exchange of information that is both informal and
formal will help your organization, as a living system, to respond
more quickly and effectively to people, problems, and opportunities.
It will add meaning to people's work. People will know that their
thoughts and their work are valued.
A strong healthy organization is participative. It is no longer
up to a few leaders to determine whether or not we succeed. It's
up to all of us. People, connected by information, responsiveness
to each other, and a common vision, will create, on a daily basis,
meaning and value to all who are touched by the work of the organization.
Your organization is, itself, a universe of potentials and possibilities
waiting to be explored and utilized for the highest benefit it
can offer.
What kind of information is coursing through your organization?
What messages are people sharing with each other and what effect
do those messages have on morale, motivation, quality, and productivity?
One way to discover what's going on is to offer an organizational
survey. Leadership assessments, climate surveys, and other inquiries
into the state of your organization can result in valuable information.
Transformative Leadership Systems offers inexpensive, customized,
online surveys for your organization. Results can be utilized
for leadership development, problem solving, and participative
ways to increase the flow of healthy information. Write Theroadhome@voyager.net
or call 517-333-0806 for more information.
Credits: This article was inspired in part by readings from
the book Leadership and the New Science, by Margaret Wheatley.
Specifically thanks to Margaret for reminding me about the game
of telephone and teaching me about our participative, information
filled Universe. Thanks also to Deepak Chopra, M.D., author of
The New Physics of Healing.
Secondly, I am grateful to the creators of the movie What
the Bleep Do We Know? and I suggest that you all go see it. Go
to http://www.whatthebleep.com to see where it is playing. If
you are as excited by it as I was you might consider my friend
Philippe Matthew's free teleconference with some of the scientists
who appeared in the movie. For more information on this great,
free teleconference opportunity go to http://www.shockbleep.com.
Never Assume?
by William Frank Diedrich
We have all heard the old adage, "Never Assume,"
but, of course, we do it anyway. We run our lives on assumptions.
When we drive to work we assume people on the other side of the
road will stay there. We assume the paycheck will come on the
expected day. We assume others will do their job or do what they
say. We are always assuming. What "Never assume" really
means is that we need to be aware of our assumptions and often,
test them. This is of great importance to any organization that
considers itself a learning organization.
Some assumptions are purely our own, and others are shared.
In organizations where customers (or members, students, clients,
etc.) are truly valued, it is assumed that their needs are seen
as important. This assumption comes from a consistently held
and communicated expectation from the leadership that customers
are the primary focus. It comes from consistently addressing
customer needs in a timely and effective manner. In this manner
we want to build certain shared assumptions right into the mindset
of our organization.
Leaders often become frustrated with others when they don't
perform to expectations. Our frustration comes from our assumption
that the others "should" perform well. We move from
frustration to anger when we assume that the reason performance
wasn't as we expected was because:
a. They didn't care.
b. They are incompetent.
c. They have their own priorities and agendas.
d. They are stubborn.
e. They didn't prepare.
f. They should have known what to do, so they were either lazy
or stupid.
These are all blaming assumptions. The real problem with assumptions
in organizations is that we do not share them. In other words,
I make certain assumptions about you, but I don't tell you about
them. For example, I ask you to complete a project by four pm.
You say that it will be done. I have certain assumptions about
what "done" means. Are they the same as yours? We need
to make sure we agree on what "done" means. Will all
signatures be on the document? Will the envelope be addressed
and ready to go?
As a leader I may tell my employees to offer great customer
service. What does that look like? What do I assume that means?
I need to share my assumptions about customer service with examples,
specifics, and parameters. You can walk into any retail store
or restaurant and tell if a manager has shared his assumptions
about service. When I receive poor service I know it is a failure
of leadership to provide clear expectations.
How do leaders make their assumptions visible? Constant repetition
helps. Constantly saying what is expected, constantly modeling
it, and constantly having conversations to find out what others
assume makes our assumptions visible.
Conversations have to be two way. Leaders need to be in touch
with what people are assuming. What do they assume you want?
What do they assume is their role in relation to customers, each
other, and you? Ask them how they came to that assumption. Was
it something you said? Was it something they learned somewhere
else?
Most people live in their heads. They don't converse in a
spirit of inquiry wanting to know about the needs, concerns,
and motives of others. When we see others act, we determine needs
and motives by making it up in our heads. In other words, we
assume with no real basis or proof.
Today's leader needs to be a conversationalist. I don't mean
lots of small talk. I mean the kind of conversation that gets
at people's needs, concerns, and motives. It is the kind of conversation
that builds a shared understanding. A leader can never assume
that the people will do a great job unless that expectation is
shared, in great detail, and discussed. Leaders sometimes say:
"I don't have time to be doing all that talking with others.
I'm too busy." Often they are too busy putting out fires
that could have been prevented by having precise and inquiring
conversations.
If we want people to perform well we need to take the guess
work out of what they are doing. In my corporate life years ago,
I worked for a leader who always told me how the job should have
been done after I did it. He made certain assumptions about the
results that he never shared with me. It became my job to ask
him precisely what results he wanted. I asked him to share his
assumptions and expectations. Often I disagreed with his assumptions
which helped us to work out more details before the work was
done.
We all make assumptions. As leaders we need to test those
assumptions by asking others for their view. We need to share
our assumptions so that others know what we mean. We need to
offer the opportunity for others to question our assumptions.
One assumption we can safely make is that no one person knows
everything. If we are to create learning organizations we must
recognize that we learn by sharing, testing, and challenging
our assumptions about work, customers, and each other.
For information on coaching and consulting on vision and values
contact William Frank Diedrich at Theroadhome@voyager.net. William
Frank Diedrich is a speaker, consultant, executive coach, and
the author of three books including: Beyond Blaming: Unleashing
Power and Passion in People and Organizations. Bill offers a
ten week e-class entitled "The Leaders' Edge Online Leadership
Development Class".
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Beyond Blaming:
Unleashing Power
and Passion in People and Organizations.
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Click on the cover above for more information,
and to order Beyond Blaming!
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What happens when you choose
to give up blaming? Power is unleashed within you. Success comes
more easily. Your passion is sparked and it drives you in a positive
direction. With blame out of the way, our path to success is
open. We can be the powerful beings we are meant to be. Our organizations
can become focused, engaged, highly competent groups that enjoy
peak performance.
The question is: "Are you interested and willing to
be more powerful?" Are you willing to move out of the neighborhood
of victimhood and into the tower of power? If you are, then you
are invited on a journey to greatness - a journey beyond blaming."
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| William Frank Diedrich is a keynote speaker,
consultant, executive coach and the author of two other books,
The Road Home: The Journey Beyond the Spiritual Quick Fix, and
30 Days to Prosperity: A Workbook for Well-Being. Bill has helped
Fortune 500 companies, schools, individuals, and a variety of
organizations to realize their potential. |
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Break free of the vicious cycle
of blaming
Create a more powerful you
Be a more effective leader
Unleash your power and passion to accomplish goals
US $14.00 Beyond Blaming
www.noblaming.com
Transformative Press
East Lansing, Michigan
www.transformativepress.com
Printed in the USA
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